Saturday, June 30, 2007

(WT 22) Squeezy and the Rump Rats

The second story of Detective Reedy and Priority Homicide:
Reedy meets up with a friend from his past and breaks open a white slavery ring.

4 comments:

Dave said...

I sent this to EE's Blog for comments:

The portico of Killer Kowalski' mansion – a burlesque of white marble, fake gold and real rust - glittered in the flashing red, yellow and blue lights of police vehicles. In the wake of the thunderstorm, clear skies brought spotlights from circling news helicopters picking out centurion-like patrolmen in plastic ponchos. An oval colonnade lead away from either side of the portico leading to flanking archways marked "Snails" and "Nightingales." Nude sculptures filled a circular reflecting pool in the center.
A garage band and their van, more body putty and playbills than metal, stood to one side. The playbills screamed Squeezy and the Rump Rats Rock Band in hot pink on lime green. The license plate read "Festus." Jules downloaded its information. The band members wore fashionable vests over bare, tattooed torsos, baggy shorts, ankle height socks and reproduction sneakers. The tattooed names included various expressions of Mom, Betty, Latoya and Eat My Burrito.
"The dyed blond face fuzz is my snitch." Reedy said.

Dave said...

I've decided to use a name other than "kille Kowalski" or Bobby Adonis. I feel creepy using a pro wrestler as a character expecally with the news being so tragic.

Dave said...

Here's the new opening after EE's minions got done with it.

The portico of Randy Bandar's mansion – a burlesque of white marble, fake gold and real rust - glittered in the flashing red, yellow and blue lights of police vehicles. Circling news helicopters picked out uniformed policemen and a van more body putty and playbills than metal. The playbills screamed Squeezy and the Rump Rats Rock in hot pink on lime green and the license plate read "Festus." The band members wore fashionable vests over bare, tattooed torsos, baggy shorts, ankle height socks and reproduction sneakers. The tattoos included various expressions of Mom, Betty, Latoya and Eat My Burrito.
"The dyed blond face fuzz is my snitch, Benny." Reedy said.
"His goatee reminds me of Harry's third wife and her obsession with downunder dye jobs, trims and perms," Blantan let the remark linger in the air, like flatulence in a Starbucks or a sidewalk dog turd that no one wanted to step on.
"You see that burrito tattoo? You wouldn't believe the story behind that." Reedy parked the patrol car.


Last line still usbject to editing.

Bernita said...

Dave, you've been awarded a Thinking Blogger."